clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
