i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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