Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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