the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
