Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You may now shotgun with the bride
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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