i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
