I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
