after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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