My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we're so committed to being not committed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
