he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
