So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
