I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
