I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
