Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
