theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
