i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
