dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
