I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
