Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
