anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
God, I missed his penis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
