well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
