dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
