There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
