It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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