I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
