batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
