I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
