You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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