Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
