how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
