Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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