btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
