Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize