I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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