I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I could fuck to npr.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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