I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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