Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
