The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
