you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
