There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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