I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
