Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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