The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
