I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
