She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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