I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just tell him i said nine months
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
