The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
