I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
