I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
