I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
