i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
