My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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