did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
