You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
