In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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