last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
