I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
