i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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