is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
