Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
