she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
