so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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