Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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