Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
