Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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