If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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