what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
