loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
