we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
nutella sex= disaster
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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