hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
