A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A+ Viking dick
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