cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
