I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
