i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is wine microwaveable?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
