You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
