All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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