I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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