things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
