I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
