Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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