I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
