He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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