Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
