I just cut my nipple shaving
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Less talking, more tequila
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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