nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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