Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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