dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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