Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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